Category: christian courting
OK,
i’m in a bit of a ranting mood at the moment…
girls wearing a ring on the wedding finger,
if ever there was an annoying bit of foolishness i ever came across this is it!!!
ESPECIALLY considering the fact that they’re single,
yeah yeah yeah i know it (sort of, half way) deters unsaved and street rats from tryna holla at you but the collateral damage is even more painful than having to keep saying no to a guy and walking a little faster!
Of every guy i have ever asked what they think of unmarried girls wearing rings on their wedding finger, the response has been a landslide in favour of not doing it.
Us as guys if we meet a girl that we like, then see a ring on the finger; WE WILL WRITE YOU OFF!!! PERIOD!!!
I dont even want to imagine the amount of guys that never ever asked the girl out and ended up with someone else even tho they would have been an awesome fit for you! (ladies)
yea yeah yeah, I have also heard the argurment from girls saying “well the guy should ask”
thats like saying to a guy that he should ask EVERY woman he see’s with a wedding ring!
The ring is there to differentiate you accordingly and it is to be respected as a sign that ‘this one is taken’
If a guy DOES ask about you or worse yet still ‘holla’s at you’ with your ring on be very worried…
now lets go back to the question…’ is it a smart idea to wear a wedding ring when your not married, engage, or even at least in a meaningful relationship’
i think not!!!
AND CATEGORICALLY NO… before anyone even says it even if he sees the girl loads of times later WITHOUT THE RING (as this is a game of educated guesses and assumptions) it is safe to assume that ‘you’re just not wearing your rightful wedding ring that day!!!’ (maybe cos you work with chemicals and it could get damaged or you work with people or children which maybe hurt by your jewellery or what ever)
Its just a bad idea,
everyone please copy this article to your facebooks, blogs or whatever, get the word out there… lets stop this nonsense!
cos i know married women who dont wear their rings all the time, and married women with husbands in the army or working overseas or on cruise boats, so just cos i dont see a man doesnt mean there aint one there!
and yes, that guy you now like might have seen your ring one day and HAS written you off his ‘possible approach’ list
selah, pause calmly think about that!
until next time…
favour and blessings peeps!
Shalom Shalom!
Single Christian Bro
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OK,
a few posts ago I spoke of meeting someone I wanted to ‘approach’, well here is what has happened since then…
If you recall, I was in two minds about what to do, not from fear or the usual ‘Christian hesitation’ – I’ve gotta do an article about that one… anywho…
I was in two minds because it wasn’t sitting comfortably in my spirit, I’m in a season where God has called me to do great and mighty things and a relationship actually doesnt fit the season,
I also mentioned that I was going to ‘seek wise counsel’ on the matter and have since spoken to my Pastor about it, it kinda felt like a silly topic to bring up but at the same time I needed to know my decision was a sensible one. When in the whole world of emotions, I dunno bout you but I get all ‘googly’ and actually don’t fully trust my own judgement at times.
I would rather be open and expose myself to a little embarassment than a full on emotional mess in not making sure I chose the right path in the first place.
There’s a proverb that speaks of ’counting the cost of building a house before beginning’, I had to evaluate the whole situation and then get a second (wiser and un-emotionalised) opinion from trusted people.
So… what does this mean…
well, I still like her… simple
BUT I wont be making any approach just yet, there will be a time and place for it and we shall continue to be friends.
Now, at the point that I do enter a relationship, either with this enchanting young lady or another… I expect all of you to stick with me cos the journey wont be over yet, it will be just another chapter… or better yet another volume in the saga…lol
I will need some of you to help me in my cry for help when she ‘manifests’ as a woman and blesses me with the laying on of lips… and by that I mean she cusses me for doing something… lol
That reminds me I’ve gotta talk about my stance on affection in Christian relationships…
Pray for me guys, I already told God He owes me for this one… I coulda been inviting ya’ll for chicken and wedding cake…lol
until next time…
favour and blessings peeps!
Shalom Shalom!
Single Christian Bro
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singlechristianbro.wordpress.com
twitter.com/SCB_online
facebook: Cingle Christian Bro-ski
I just had the thought,
I know some girls who are ‘spiritual hotties’, their spirits are so beautiful that it actually overshadows any externals – which aren’t quite my style (the external look I mean).
The attraction to them is just the same as if I was attracted to their externals.
I am wise enough to know that I cannot go for someone that I am only attracted to their ‘spirit’ or ‘heart’ or personality alone, there has to be a healthy balance.. or one day we will have an argument, I will be introduced to the other side of their ‘spirit’ (loool) and ummm, if that face doesn’t endear to wanna make up I imagine we wont make it through many disagreements! -
We might not even make it to the falling in love bit that would rescue those situations… I know me well enough to say I would walk!
Men are just wired that way, I am in no way consenting to male shallowness but anyone with any wisdom will confirm that MEN ARE VISUALLY STIMULATED and need for their women to be ‘pleasing to THEIR eyes’ (not nec anyone else’s eyes by the way!)
Plus I listed to a teaching from Dr Creflo Dollar on ‘Wise Decisions – Finding A Mate’, it changed my whole world on dating and the whole world of ‘finding a spouse’ – and just to burst a bubble on Christians who are some some crazy talk of ‘God will find me my spouse’ or God will bring him/her to me and I will just know… that’s how you end up 50 years old and still single…
The word of God says ‘he who FINDS a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour’ (Proverbs 18:22)
the key words are ‘FIND’… that implies ‘LOOKING, SEARCHING FOR, PURSUING’
- and the other thing I need to point out is NOT EVERY GIRL IS A WIFE!!!!
Its a role that many girls need to renew their minds in that area… thats another reason why so many women are single, they havent really renewed their minds in the area of relationships, men and ‘how to be that GOOD THING’ in a marriage – I have come across so many broken women, ready to get married and unleased their toxic waste on that husband thinking he will tollerate it and stay forever!… some won’t and if pushed… most men REALLY won’t stay.
I do need to touch on this whole divorce thing quickly at this moment, the truth is God is not happy about divorce, He isn’t a supporter and ‘hates it’ with a passion.,
We, His children, managed to get ourselves branded ‘a stiff necked generation’ or how I like to put it ‘ a hard headed generation, not willing to FULLY renew our minds and trying to get away with the bare minimum of submission’.
God allowed divorce (through gritted teeth I imagine) only as a concession, not as an appointed function of marriage. There is no shadow of a doubt, the marriage ending leaves both parties ‘broken’ and does even worse damage to children – WHETHER IT SHOWS STRAIGHT AWAY OR NOT AND AT WHATEVER AGE!
At times there are no options BUT to separate, either because of abuse or adultery, but on that note; I heard of a Pastor in Africa who’s wife cheated on him with the worship leader and she actually got pregnant for the worship leader… the most incredible thing is that THEY DIDN’T DIVORCE, the pastor didn’t force the worship leader to leave AND looked after the child in his own house!!!
Some of you reading this might be thinking ‘if that was me I would be on the phone to a locksmith to change the lock as soon as the cheating heffer leaves my house’ and that guy can forget about leading worship anywhere in this city, cos I’m gonna tell ALL the other Pastors in the area!!! (I imagine if he was really feeling burnt he would actually phone a pastor he DIDN’T like and say “hey, my worship leader is leaving and he’s excellent, what about inviting him to your church this week, by the way does your wofe deal with the worship team?”)
Pastors are human too don’t forget, and not all of them live that fully sanctified life! – but hey, thats just my imagination running away with me… maybe I should write a film and shoot it on my blackberry loool.
That Pastor exercised forgiveness at such a great level and I bet you God honoured that in such a way!!!
I love that!!! – Christ HAS conquered all we could experience on earth! to the degree that we let that victory affect our lives!
Anywho, back to my spiritual hotties…
Ladies, if you are already attractive and no guys are approaching you, then maybe you are making yourself ‘spiritually unattractive’ – if a guy knows his word and prays and really spends time with the Lord, although you may catch his eye, the spirit within him may well repel him from you! (thats if your spirit isn’t as much a hottie as your ‘earth suit’).
And ladies, if you have been made to feel unattractive by others or more precisely by the enemy, but are spiritually gorgeous – change your hair, ‘go in’ on the make up, go shopping more, always smell great -
I once knew a girl who was always in a new outfit or remix outfits everytime I saw her (and I saw her at least twice a week) and when I asked her what her shopping bill was she said it was only about £5-£10 a week!
And she always looked gorg’, so many guys wanted her number (I had friend-zoned her by the way, she wasn’t saved)
There’s nothing ‘unbiblical’ about making yourself look nice, Esther got chosen as Queen cos she was not only beautiful (and well presented… hair, fragrance, make up, etc – but had substance that set her apart… she didn’t make it on having ‘substance’ alone, nor did she make it on being beautiful alone – it was one balanced and complete package;
Ladies prepare yourselves for your King, he has his eyes open but you WILL get skipped if you aren’t ‘ready’; spiritually, emotionally and externally! (or far enough along that he can see your potential and what’s in your heart)
be blessed,
hope you change your game for the better!!!
check me out on youtube, I will (as of today) be sharing clips and messages on dating, finding a mate, good tips and hints on relationship, understanding men, understanding women and all that good stuff!
search my email or just search for ‘Single Christian Bro’
Shalom!
NOW… let’s get this straight from the beginning…
I dont call too many women hotties,
its not nearly enough for me to call a woman a hottie when she’s only attractive on externals… a bad storm (equals drenched weave… eauch!) and a bad fight with a crazy yardie woman (no offence) who likes to throw battery acid around can fix that… and very quickly too!
Beauty (in a woman anyway) must exude from the inside… it must be pouring out of her soul, she must be a ‘beautiful personality’, now just for clarities sake I am NOT saying she should be PERFECT!
That particular woman doesn’t exist!(while I’m awake anyway)
I have always said, if a girl doesn’t know God she wont know me… at all!
so… yeah beautiful things about attractive women (to me anyway);
- knows and loves God
- aims to be the best person she can possibly
- is driven to fulfil her God given purpose and become who she was meant want to be
- absolutely loves life and lives a thankful life
- is happy… just happy (I know I have a part to play, but i refuse to be the sole source!)
– eternal optimist!
- sense of humour
- can cook (or is willing to really learn)
– MICROWAVE MEALS AND OVEN ONLY MEALS DON’T COUNT!!!
(thank God that I can cook or this topic could be a desperate situation after we’ve walked down the aisle… lol
– and by the way, I think guys are severely lacking if they can’t do something presentable, and edible, in the kitchen)
- She has GOT to pray!!!
- ambition, ambition, ambition!!! (one of my convictions is that my wife will join me in my journey and my drive will be for her to fulfil all her dreams, she’s gotta have dreams to pursue)
- and we’ve just got to fit and get on, she’s gotta be my best friend!
I would NEVER go out with a girl I couldn’t be friends with, that’s just nonsense to me.
- and she has GOT to look good (to me!) – men are wired and designed by our heavenly Father to be visually stimulated (the porn industry is evidence of that, I believe 90% of the sites on the entire internet are adult websites!, need I say more?)
Not to say men are shallow, but I can’t go for a girl just cos ‘she’s nice on the inside, she’s gotta be nice on the outside too!’ – I know there are some ladies who wont agree (or wont want to agree) but its how men are built!, a man has to find ‘something’ attractive about his woman (we’ll go more into this on another post).
Oh yeah… getting back to topic… Yeah, I have come a cross a hottie… so now its time to ‘do my research’ – as I always and will always do, take time to just befriend and skip all the ‘best foot forward’ thing you find when someone knows your interested and I know some of you are thinking ‘you might get stuck in the FRIEND ZONE’ – you just gotta know how to cross the threshold from friendzone to more.
The best relationships, you will notice categorically and internationally, develop out of awesome friendships and the wholehearted commitment of both the man and the woman to be the best they can be for each other.
So yeah, the journey begins, I will give her a nickname soon.She is still a new face to the circle so I need to find out where she hangs around and what she does with herself, I’ve noticed she dresses well, which is a good sign – I often imagine I will be the ‘upgrader’ but its all good in this area.
Will let you know how it goes over the next few weeks, they will be make or break. I am guilty of falling in and out of like very quickly and I do just literally ‘cut and run’, unapologetically too.
I refuse to be blinded by ‘like’ and entertain traits that i see in people who aren’t willing to change that wont work with me, as much as I am prepared to work with and invest into a relationship, I aint got time to waste either – better still, I would rather be single than end up with some pumpkin head placebo of a girlfriend (again, no offence ).
and please don think I am treating singleness as a ‘disease’ I am trying to get rid of, I actually love my singleness and it empowers me to really go at the kingdom of God with all my heart, mind, energy and time – relationships are demanding in these areas and take time away from God.
My seeking a ‘mate’ or spouse to my understanding brings me to a new level of responsibility and accountability and will bring growth in myself that cannot happen otherwise of which I know will be detrimental to my achieving my God given purpose.
Trust me, I already asked God if I could do this thing without getting married, lets just say it was a short conversation and the search continued
stay holy folks, its rarity… even in the body!
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ladies… DONT JUST GO FOR THE GUY COS HE’S GOT ‘SUPER GAME’
Half the time, if a brother’s game is that hot, and your ‘getting together’ isnt a natural progression of friendship, ask yourself a few questions…
like the ones in this video…
Pastor Justin Cox from P4CM / passion 4 Christ movement breaks it down for the ladies,
15 questions you should ask a guy before entering a relationship with him…
incidentally, if you are already in a relationship, now is the time to quickly ask Mr Man these questions…
Well… its actually exactly one year since I last blogged, lets start by sayin – I didn’t get the sister I wanted, not for lack of trying but for a list of reasons ranging from MY readiness, level of game actually appropriated, and to some part her weirdness.
That’s right I said it… her weirdness!
I have come to find a scenario that has played out not only in my life but in the lives of so many of my male friends…
Girls are cool when in the world, guy holla’s, girl responds, they hangout (no sex still) they get to know, they go out and they make it to the aisle or not!
Same girl gets saved, gets all ‘googly’ as i call it (simply put all utopian, fairytale, dreamland, super high expectations of any courting males (based on men who are ALREADY MARRIED.
These men have worked hard at becoming WHO THEY ARE NOW for some time and only arrived BECAUSE of the MARRIAGE PROCESS and this same single girl/ lady/ woman is disregarding the beginnings of that man and how he used to be… just like the courting brothers approaching her.
I know this sound a little harsh and as if I’m severely hurt by it, I’m not but i would definitely say this attitude is the reason MANY MANY MANY women are STILL SINGLE in the body of Christ.
The other sharp edge of this reality is that – WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND MEN, so when they put out the message that the man isnt good enough – most men walk… let me put it this way EVEN THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU WILL WALK.
Its an unfortunate phenomenon, when men are told ‘they arent good enough’ they instinctively give up (some men, not all – its how most are wired) – women on the other hand when told the same things – UP THEIR GAME!
This ‘upping of game’ is the response expected from men by women but we men just dont operate like that. Your better off saying DIRECTLY IN ENGLISH WORDS, PLAIN AND SIMPLY …AND NOT IN INDIRECT SIGNALS, BEATING ROUND THE BUSH, SIGNS, WONDERS AND MIRACULOUS TRANSMISSION OF ‘WOMAN DATA LANGUAGE’ (which surprisingly most women havent realised that men on a whole dont know the language, see, hear, smell, sense or even have an incling of the language BUT women CONTINUE to use it to communicate to us!)
LADYS… YOUR SIGNS, SIGNALS, TRYING TO GET THE MESSAGE TO MEN
DOES NOT WORK!!!
IN FACT, ITS SO RUBBISH MEN OFTEN SHAKE THEIR HEADS DEEMING ITS PRACTICE AS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!
Please don’t get offended by this ladies, I just wanted to drum it into your memories how feeble the attempts are.
On the flipside, married men begin to figure it out… after a few years!
But that wont help you, the men that figure it out ARE MARRIED ALREADY!
Ladies, if you really have that much trouble blurting the words out, get a friend to tell the guy, we won’t think less of you. As long as that friend realises that they have no say in the ensuing relationship build and buts out after that!
Its hard enough work going out with one woman but when a man is going out with a lady…AND her friend (as a counsellor, decision maker or whatever manifestation she is allowed to assume), its a very confusing headache!
They are called boundaries!
I have walked away from girls simply because of the confusion and nonsense of other parties ‘puppet mastering’ her friend to a level that makes her uncharacteristic to the person I have grown to know.
OK, back to ‘Miss Sunshine’ – ummmm lets just say when I paused and looked at her objectively, the things I liked about her weren’t enough to out weigh the things I DID like about her.
She a was a little too much mystery and even my ‘investigation’ through talking to all her friends AND family members and she had some character traits she picked up from some people she was around that turned my stomach to be honest.
Please note… the ‘character traits’ turned my stomach, nothing else!
My God is an unlimited God and she ain’t the only fish in the sea!
Sisters, STOP ACTING WEIRD and prepare to walk with and work with a courting gentleman and give him a glimpse of who he needs to be without telling him “he ain’t good enough”.
Chances are YOU AIN’T SO SPECIAL AND PERFECT YOURSELF!
… And the courting gentleman has spent time quietly looking at your flaws and saying “I am prepared to work with them”
We are all ‘works in progress’
I had a good conversation with ‘Sunshine’ (my nickname for my intended) found out a little more about what she likes what she does with herself and it turns out we have worked in similar industries, she has since left it and now work at the church full time.
‘Sunshine’ also has a big interest in sports, strangely enough Formula One, something I let go of a long time ago, it barely engages as i am more of an intellect but I don’t mind getting into it for her sake. I’m am trying to gain as many things in common as i can to open more doors of conversation.
I have since began watching Formula One, OK I’ve been watching the highlights… lol and it isn’t too bad, i can do Formula One, the strategy of it all interests and intrigues me.
Other than Formula One, I’ve got nothing, except for the fact that she REALLY loves God, and she can alwasy be found in Church. This isn’t a bad thing but where (conversation wise) do I go from there, I actually detest idle chat and small talk-for long periods anyway, I can last about 10 mins max! (at this confession I’m telling myself i cant be a single christian bro for the rest of my life, I need to work on this).
The only way I would speed up this process and ask ‘Sunshine’ more questions that give me more of a picture of who she is is if she takes a noticeable little shine to me, this is something i used to be able to trigger off in ladies, back in my less honorable days, but after switching that part of me off for so long thinking I’d never need it… (how misinformed was I in thinking Christians don’t need to court their wives, i think its bad teaching that made me think God was going to put a spiritual spot light on my ‘wife to-be’ that only i would see and she’d look into my eyes and I’d look into hers and we’d get married the next weekend and lived happily ever after- how wrong was I?)
